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I often told myself that my body and the way I look isn’t good enough. That made it hard for my partner to give me a compliment without me saying something rude back like “I bet you say that to your girlfriend too” this caused issues. I learned how to take a compliment by telling myself over and over that I am great the way I am and that I should just accept the way I am how I am and that’s why my partner compliments me.
I grew up with an alcoholic parent and they always yelled at us. I thought that kind of behavior was normal but after seeing the world I realized it wasnt and neither was I. This gave me the identity that i wasnt normal. I overcame that thought by practicing staying claim when I am serious about something important to me.
Some distorted thoughts I have had are #1 why doesnt my husband want to snuggle with me
#2 I’m not pretty anymore
#3 why has my husband lost interest in me
#4 I’m to boring to be attractive to my husbandI’ve changed my distorted thoughts by asking myself does this subject really affect my life or is it something that isn’t going to matter in the long run.
My motivation to change is knowing I will be happier if I dont let things I can’t control control my behavior.
My challenge will be to not be so sensitive to everything people say to me or about me. I plan on getting insight from others to help me with this.
My buttons include
#1 talking while I am or not letting me completely finish what I’m saying
#2 making me feel left out or not wanted around
#3 trying to make me look stupid for how I feel about things.
These are big triggers for my anger issues.My buttons bother me because I am a very emotional person and take most everything to heart and personal. Some of my buttons trigger memerories that hurt my feeling very badly. Death is a big reason my buttons are pushed so hard. I’m scared of losing the ones I love forever.
Time outs seem to be working as far as helping with communication with my partner. It gives me time to think about the situation instead of automatically reacting to it. I normally just react without thinking first. Taking time out for myself is something that’s most certainly needed. Im always busy doing for others and never take time for me. Self care is a great way to spend time out.
Rage is an awful feeling that takes alot of energy to show. When I feel rage I just explode like a volcano. It just happens sometimes. I have been so hurt from life that on some days it doesn’t take much to set me off. I know I have to detach myself from those past feelings of hurt and pain and forgive the person that caused it even if it’s me that caused it. Also if I think about a certain subject to long I start coming up with all kinds of sinerinos that could have happened. I feel alot of rage when I feel like someone is playing me for a fool.
Time outs sound like a great way to avoid big problems that my anger might cause me. I have tried it in the past and not realized I was putting myself in time out. As for the other rules that go with having a time out I fell really show respect for your partner or whom ever your upset with. No one response the way you want them to if your yelling at them anyway. Knowing how to talk to people is very important to get the outcome need/want.
Seizing the opportunity to do something different with how I react to others is very important to me. I grew up in a very emotionally abusive family and yelling was normal for me. I have since realized that it is not normal and I need to face my fear of changing in order to feel better about myself and have more confidence.
