[Chelsi]

A barrier that I’ve faced as a woman is people not believing me about my abusive behavior or downplaying it. I’ve come to realize recently how many of my friends have enabled me, which means that now I don’t have friends or support, as my “support” was telling me that I was fine and not calling out my bad behaviors. I’m a small woman, and present differently in public and in the therapy room than in my home. Only my family sees my worst side. Because of this, even the therapists that I have seen to help with this behavior had the attitude of “Well, it can’t be that bad,” or “It’s really your partner who’s the problem,” (he doesn’t have an abusive history but I do). Even with my current therapist, she likes to say things like, “You’re doing/did the best you could.” I know that, but my best sucks and I want it to be better, not to feel less guilty. I don’t know what perspective I have on overcoming those challenges, other than being very honest with yourself and if someone’s criticism of you really stings or activates your defenses, that might be a sign they hit something you don’t want to look at. Oh, and don’t be willing to settle with friends or therapists. A good one of each will call you out.

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